Caress Me with Your Words
A collection of writings by Reeyana Sehgeh
I often dream about what 3006 would be like. What my family’s legacy would be and if Sehgeh would mean anything.
I often wonder how I will depart this earth, old of age or young of sadness.
I often wonder if anyone would ever read this, as if there is a lostness that the world will suffer in my absence. What will happen to my things, my worlds, my photographs, my edits, my videos, my family? Will my post be something someone will study to see how we though during our time?.
Will they say “what a Divine civilization it was” or those were the dark ages, where carefreeness evaded our real world problems responsibility.
What will they say? Will Beyonce always be the greatest?
Or will it be Saharake Sehgeh, 3000 years from now. Will the sun still be hot or will it be burning tf up? The planet, not the sun.
Could you have broken me any lower?
My back against the wall as I sit on my bed
My hand in my lap
Staring into the pitch black of my room
Still as stone
A ray of light shines beneath the cracked door
Air from my nose pushes strongly into the atmosphere
Deeper and deeper
All I hear is sweet baby, sweet baby
Don't you cry
Don't you show an ounce of anger
Hold it together
But the pieces of me holding “it” together
Are thin and fragile
If a tear falls.
I fail.
Why do you cry poor girl?
Is the pain of loneliness that strong?
Does it control your mind?
Does the thought of being manipulated hurt your pride?
Did you think you were different?
Better?
Important even?
Ha!
You were just as important as the last three girls that ruined that poor man.
His grandmother, his mother and his first love.
That he charmed with his sworded tongue,
Bronzed skin, flattering eyes misguided ears, cowardly prince and loveable deception
Did you think because you gave him
Happiness, sex, commitment, love, advice and smoothing new.
That he would stay?
He told you poor girl when you met him.
He told you with his eyes that one day he would go astray.
-Questions that keep me up at night
I imagines that we were in the same room
Staring into eachothers eyes
Waiting for something to be said
But nothing
A tear fell.
And the anger on my face filled in the Blanks.
I can’t sleep at night.
This rage inside me begs to be relinquished
Why would you do this to me?
Questions, I’ll never ask you
You ignore me as if I betrayed you!
Depression:
Is this contagious or hereditary?
I've been suffering from it all my life.
How many times will you fall for a man
Who defies gravity?
Does your tongue burn when you lie to her?
Does your spit spark resistance against her good?
Or have the burns numbed you of all feelings?
Ah lost boy
Has your childish fascinations of sexual proclivity
Caused you to wreak havoc unto poor innocent souls.
Who hurt you?
Whos avengeance are you seeking?
They don't make crowns one size fits all
Yours is perfectly crafted
It may tilt
It may waiver
It may even wiggle
But for the love of God, don't let it fall.
-Reeyana
Being lonely after a heartbreak is so horrible!
Yet it builds you, it gives you an invisibility cloak
For all the fuck boy activity in the universe
Use it wisely
Just cause they cant see you
Doesn't mean you can't see them
Dropping the cloak for someone who hasn't mastered the technique of seeing through it
It as dangerous as eating a poisoned apple,
given to your lover by a serpent.
Why are you begging for him to stay?
For you have nothing to do?
If his foot stepped beyond the bridge of the door onto the porch
You get up
And lock it behind him.
If I looked peaceful before you met me,
I wonder what I look like now.
Now that you have called the army brigade on me
What do I represent
What do you make of me
I lost interest months ago
If I calculate correctly
around the time that you left
You made our relationship a battlefield
Before our love was ever conceived.
No one won,
But we definitely lost each other.
And Ourselves.
Your hands belong in places.
Your eyes could never imagine.
You should be reaching your hands to touch
Something so beautiful and complex
But beauty in your eyes
looks a lot like pain
Your hands deserve to be set free
But your hands cause bruises on the skin of those you claim to love.
Your words spit flames that burn to ashes
Your anger consumes you
Your hands cupped and closed into a ball
In a rage, conceived only by your absent mother and alcoholic father
That you disguise as loves rage.
You should be reaching your hands to touch
But your hands are marked as a weapon
And the iron cast cuffs on your wrist
Are evidence of your love…
The one she still wants...
Hello There,
I see you are back again.
What is that you need this time?
You have used my body as a dumping place
For your sexual frustrations
Releasing those frustrations into me
then
You left
Left me to clean up the mess
Left me to exist in the thoughts of women you have discarded
No phone calls
No text
No closure
Yet, you are back.
Haven’t you broken me enough?
Why do you seek entrance into the sacred places you don't honor?
I dont deserve love.
I dont deserve you.
I dont deserve happiness.
However, the things I Don't deserve.
I have.
And I dont cherish them.
Cause I dont want to.
I cried when you left.
I didnt want to admit it.
I cried long for you to come back.
My pride was full of resistance.
So I cried through other sources.
My tears were posting pictures pretending to be having the time of my life.
Traveling the world and visiting places we always said we would go
Hashtagging #Icatchflightsnotfeeings
I was catching flights
To escape my feelings.
I cried through creating content that you would be proud of
I cried through becoming the best version of myself.
So that when you saw me again
You would say “ yo, she really conquered everything she said she would without me”
And I’ll think yes and no one helped me.
But Ill be lying
I conquered this because I let my hate of you motivate and manifest me.
I am sitting on cloud nine and instead of enjoying this life I created.
I am enjoying watching the sorrow in your eyes.
Those broken eyes will always be the trophy I worked for.
I love you
I just dont know how to love you.
You used to blame me for your insecurities.
Now that I left,
who's to blame for your failures?
Has the world continued to chew you up?
Am I bright enough to shine in your spaces?
Self Care Sundays
To protect my energy, I left negative spaces.
To protect my energy, I had to protect myself and my loved ones.
To protect my energy, I have to forgive those who've hurt me and pray forgiveness to those I hurt, while hurting.
To protect my energy, I need to give myself time to mourn, to pray, to meditate, to cry, to laugh, to move on, to be humble, to be fired up, to be loyalty to myself, to listen to music that gives me energy (DAMN)!
To protect my energy, those text messages and phone calls have to be ignored.
To protect my energy, that Unfriend, delete friend request, block, unfollow button has to be clicked and be unapologetic about it.
To protect my energy, I had pick up my pen and write.
To protect my energy, I have to end that friendship.
To protect my energy, I gotta stop rocking with you and internalizing all of your fucking problems. "I can't fake humble because your ass is insecure).
To protect my energy, I have to create, I have to support, I have to see growth in everything and everyone.
To protect my energy, my pride has to be put to the side to listen to those more intelligent and more experiences than myself.
To protect my energy, I have to stop being a fuck women to myself. Push my goals and aspirations to the forefront.
To protect my energy, I had to find my tribe.
To protect my energy, I had to create the projects I want to create without fear.
To protect my energy, I had to become the women I was born to be...✌2017
Hello 2018 ❤️
-Reeyana M. Sehgeh
When a man hurts you.
Stop trying to get revenge.
it's not worth the beef, but that nigga ain't yo friend.
Don't make amends and end things on a good note.
Don't hop your Queening ass on that jealousy boat.
So you can sail away into the land of petty and post shit that he won't ever read.
So him and his broke ass friends can laugh at your insecurities.
Queen.
Stop it.
We get it, niggas be out of pocket.
And they pockets be out of cash.
Why you crying tears over his broke ass?
Yo pride maybe stained but your drive never was.
So put your foot on the gas,
Feel in love with a dream
But it was stolen from me
And when I fought to get it back
It no longer belonged to me.
It was no longer home for me,
it just felt wrong you see?
So I prayed to God to take away the pain
But I didn't feel the blessing until I felt the shame
The storm before the rain
When the blessing finally came, I felt it came to late
But I realized I should have listened to God when he said no, instead of thinking it was faith
Then everything started being late, I was being filled with hate, and evil thoughts my heart couldn't escape. Thinking God left me, I tried to leave him too
Claiming I could do this on my own, I don't need you
But I started breaking, faith started shaking, started hallucinating about the evil I was creating
So I called on him again and promised to never leave
Promised not to move, unless he moved in me.
I didn't hear anything
Knowing I was stressing, decisions I was testing, still waiting for a blessing didn't want to call on him because I didn't want to stress him
But then he showed up again and I ran into his arms
Preaching singing the gospel and using his shield from any mharm
moving with God but my life was still in distress
Caught up in relationships, or situationships, hell maybe it was just sex.
But what's next? A lifetime of regrets?
Clear as day I knew that I can't change my life until I change myself
Worry about my health, learning to start loving myself.
Putting everyone first shouldn't be my only concern
I have dealt with a lot of loss, from friends being killed to my mothers ashes sitting in a urn
I may just now be realizing it but God said I should've already known.
That the true meaning of a blessing comes right after the storm.
RollerCoaster
You left the door open for me
I could see in your eyes that you were scared
Scared of what? I was unsure
But you reached your hand out to grasp mine.
I took it, I held it
Your body tightened.
We locked eyes and your body loosened
I squeezed your hand
You squeezed mine.
Are you afraid?
He kissed my forehead
What if it doesn't work?
I said nothing.
I smiled.
He laughed and wrapped his arms about my neck.
Then again, What if it does…
My dear friend
Your body is decaying
How long have you been holding your breath?
1 year
1 wretched year
Your body covered in dark black and blue patches
Your hair slowly leaving its follicles and lying upon the floor
Your eyes yellow
Your nail tips black
Your legs swollen
Your mouth closed
Your eyes are bulging.
Your wounds self inflicted
What are you doing to yourself?
Your once beautiful sky as dry as the day is long
Your ebony skin as white as chalk
Your strength weakened
Your tears are thick.
What are you waiting for?
Your eyes roll over to the picture on the night post
You are waiting for him.
An old lover,
An old lover to realize he was wrong
You’re waiting for the thing he doesn’t owe you:
An apology.
I need you to gain the strength of a million women
Whose lovers sent them to an early grave
I need you to breathe
Your pride has taken you
It has overwhelmed you with heartache
You want him to feel what you feel.
You Want him to hurt like you are hurting
Be he has
He too once held his breath for someone
His father
Who never came
Who left open promises of coming to see him everyday for 15 years of his life
Everyday, killing himself once more
Everyday sitting on the stoop waiting for his biggest hero
To show him self
Sitting on the stoop with his baseball gloves
Sitting on the stoop with his race cars
Sitting on the stoop with his overnight back
Sitting on the stoop with his cars games
Sitting on the stoop until the beauty of the morning sun ended her shift and the clear and magnificent gleaming of the moon took over.
Until his mother full of disappointment and embarrassment, had to yank him of the stoop
Until his resentment transpired onto the woman who knew the man who hurt her child
Until eventually the only thing left at the stoop was a ghost of a child who got excited every time a car pulled into his driveway to reverse and to be soon disappointed again
Only thing that the growing teenager left at the stoop was his realization that Clark Kent wasn’t his father
His father wasn’t his or no super hero
His hero wasn’t coming to save him
Just like you, no one is coming to get you off this bed
The day, if ever he decides to come, he will only see the ghost of a beautiful woman he once loved.
Who died cause she wa sick.
Who’s life was ended because she was sad
He will never know it was him that brought you this sadness.
Cause just like his father did years ago.
He didn’t imagine the consequences.
Now die if you must.
I’ll miss you
But if he was to see you in this moment.
He would have won. You would have your beautiful apology maybe.
But you would’ve lost.
Your intelligence is exhilarating
Your smile is breath taking
The gap in between your teeth is God’s gift to beauty
Your feet long and narrow.
Making walking a breeze.
Your heart full of love
Your hair as long and kinky as the Goddesses of West Africa
Alll wasted on a man who didn’t give you an apology
That you’ll probably never get.
I’ll leave you.
When it’s time to bury you.
I’ll place you next to your parents
I’ll have your family and friends come see you
One last time before your body is hidden from the world and decays away to the beautiful soil of the ground.
On your tombstone I’ll write
Beloved Daughter, Sister, friend… who lost her life, the moment her lover lost her.
That way he’ll always know.
Maybe then he’ll apologize.
Should I mention his name?
Maybe I’ll say
Beloved daughter, sister, friend… who lost her life, the moment her lover, Andr…”nah I’ll just call him the devil. “The moment her love, the devil,lost her.
Maybe then he’ll know it was him
Maybe then your pride will be restored
Although you’ll be dead
At least your pride can rest peacefully as well.
Welp beautiful girl, full of intelligence, splendor and love.
I have to leave.
I’m sorry that this is our goodbye.
I’ll tell everyone of your love for them or maybe just yourself
A tear slid down her face.
It’s okay beautiful
Not everyone can win.
So most lose so others can.
As I walk toward the door.
I look back to see her looking at me.
Still holding her breath..
See you my beautiful friend, let me know what Heavens like.
I open the door and as it closes.
She exhales.
I smile.
I won.
I watched as you begged the world to set you free.
I watched your tears turn into tsunamis and your eyes run red
I watched through the window as you self destructed
I watched you kill yourself every night
And come alive again in the morning
I watched you laugh, smile, dance and sway to the beat of the sun
And once the sun set, I saw your joy depart with it.
I watched the thief of joy follow you home
I watched as she caressed you
Held you
And in a moments notice
I watched her disown you
Leavign you lonely and broken
I saw her set agony upon your heart
As you cried for her to return
I saw you beg her to return
Until it drove you mad
Mad with anger, mad with pain, mad with hate
I saw you sit and cry, covering your mouth
To block out the sounds
I saw you wipe the tears from your eyes and bury your eyes into the pillow sheets
On your final morning.
I saw you.
You arose early and sat on the window sill.
You watched the world continue on
You watched everything
For the first time, you eyes saw peace.
You looked up and through your window, through the air, through the busy street, through the world that continues, through the window that belongs to my bedroom
You saw me
You watched me
You watched me watch you
Prisoners to our space.
You watched me
You saw the straps attached to my wrist
You watched my mother whimper as she brushed my hair and it fell to the floor
You watched my father hold her and hold me
You watched them be strong as they stood behind me, watching me look out the window
You watched my fragile body deteriorate and my eyes struggle to stay open
You watched the house my family inhibits, you watched as my father straightened the cancersucks flags in the yard
You watched my parents get buried in the mail, from the hospital, you saw them
I heard them
I heard them whisper
I heard them cry
I went from loving child
To sick burden
Confined to a room, in a house, that once belonged to me
Now it belongs to a child who lives through a breathing machine
Whose parents didnt want to leave her in hospice to wither way lonely
Who last moments, lasted a tad bit too long
You watched me
While I watched you.
The sun began to set…
You smiled and placed your hand on the window sill.
I too placed my hands on the window sill.
Tears begin to fall from your face and you smile anyway.
Slowly peacefully, you stood up and closed your window curtain
I followed suit.
The next morning…
I saw you.
But you couldn’t see me.
The ambulance came..
Your mother cried, my mother ran out to your mother and held her.
They covered your body and your father fell to his feet and sunk into the ground.
I could hear them through the window.
The whole neighborhood came out to see you off.
Into the sun.
Where you belonged.
I found a pen and paper to leave instructions for my parents,
They needed to know about my great adventure
How to cope,
How to feel,
How to lean on our neighbor and our friend for healing
How to dress my body for my get ascension.
My last words written on the back of a family picture,
Mommy and Papa,
Lets me be free and happy. I love you.
As I moved closer to the window,
I admired the sun, I admired the streets, the air, the people, the world that would continue to move on in my absence
I pulled on the cords to the breathing tube.
I pulled harder
I pulled even harder and it collapsed.
I struggled for air…
The noise rang through the house like a siren.
I watched my parents run into the house
I watched them try to reattach it
I placed my hand on my mothers
And I watched my father hold her back from saving me.
I continued to gasp.
Until the girl across the street that I watched die every night
Stood in front of me with her hands out and a smile as beautiful as the rays of the sun.
When she thought no one could see her.
I saw her.
I saw, you.
I wondered what it tasted like to leave
Cause all I ever known was how to stay
I only knew how to get rid of things
After they have already gotten rid of me
And today, I am in control
Today, I am leaving
No more anxiety
No more pain
No more sadness
No more complacency
today , I am a new
And i will call this moment
The redefining off myself
I never knew what it felt to quit
Before I was fired…
Until today. Today my dreams matter
Your dreams don't.
I watched someone I care about carry a load the size of the world.
And crumble under its weight
Yet still make an attempt to kiss my feet.
I watched someone invade his space and snatch at his dignity and it was a sight to see.
Not pretty, not exciting, not beautiful... just a sight.
I watched as his parent, cursed him and said words only a troubled spirit could speak.
I saw a man turn into a child in front me.
I saw him recognize it.
I saw him prop up to not break down
I saw him reach for his.... TO BE CONTINUED..
TO NEVER BE CONTINUED...
I saw a man I loved lie straight to my face.
I saw I man I loved make a million in one mistakes
I saw a man I loved treat me like his parents treated him
every day our love would grow weaker and start to dim.
finally I packed my bags and left him and there's nothing left to be said.
Bluntly disrespecting my people
oppressing, stressing, but calling us equal
Slavery isn't over, new game continued sequel
The man say "this the land of the eagle"
Who preys on and kills the progression of the negro people
and Niggas to stupid to try and fight about it
I'm tryna tell ya the truth, but the man will lie about it
In 1619, slaves were taken from the motherland
and became the mother to another land
Called America.
Sold in auctions
fulls days work of picking cotton
worked os hard that their hands began to bleed
raising the mans child but still was not taught to read
Now were free… and niggas still don't know how to read
So they believe fast money ,with 1 cent rapping will make them succeed.
Aint nothing black in ya
The only thing you know about slaves, is that they came from Africa
So you rather live on and erase it from their memories
too many jacked up tendencies, too many people stuck in one box, beginning and ending parenthesis
Niggas rather enlist in a state penitentiaries, then go toe to toe with the enemy.
Boy, they won't tell you that being in gang won't keep you from getting killed
But they will infiltrate your music and make you exploit your "athletic skills"
And why do poor black people keep making the wealthy rich?
The filling your mind with ignorance and sucking out your soul just like a tick
The riches man in america wears ten dollar shoes
the poorest man in america: is looking for food
and then theres YOU
Feeding into the hype, your probably immature, you might be
500 dollar check, you spend half on some damn Nikes
See I ain't no hater
I just see better
Dubois said once you make it go back, but niggas don't like to stick together
once they get a taste of the oppressors life
they oppress the next nigga like its a given right
So don't be surprised when he gets into the media and starts acting a mess
His once adored blackness has definitely digressed
They don't put him on MTV for his looks
They play his music so the child could listen, instead of picking up a book
Only way they get payed, is if the next generation gets shook
knocked into a closet where everyone is worldly
Where girls rock fake nails ands and want their hair straight not curly
Weave so long
Its the length of their forgotten heritage
depressing isn't
Can go without food, but buy 300 dollar weave
only thing that can satisfy them, is the white peoples beauty, Asian nails, and indians ripped from their scalp hair.
but they don't care
ANYTHING is better than being black
They will conquer anything, anything but that
Medias portray black not to love each other just make love to each other
all you need is a dark light and a cover
nwords love to have sex, but too stupid to wait for marriage
Pregnant with a child whose body pumps determination
ribs to protect the future nation
never cared about race until the white man said you will never be as great as I is
so he strives to be like Cain
instead of what God intended for Abrahams and Isaacs
Only excuse in life is the white man said I was not able
but forces himself to believe in something better, in a man who is greater
once he is reborn and becomes a man
for his heritage he takes a stand
White man make sure nothing becomes a white town
so the first nigga,they see tryna make change gets shot down
Its hard being black in America, Right?
So you hold onto this ideology that everything white is right
so we buy make up and skin bleach just to make our skin light
Blacks not wanting to be black makes me sick
But I'm telling you the white man winning and he thinking he slick
He knows better than you, that negroes think they not black
So Hess distorting your mind, so you can claim another ethnic group
light skin, red bone
your still one skin tone ! Black
a stead education, being what we lack
so its open for the man to control and attack
the black race has fell forward and hit the deck
waiting in long lines for std screenings and WIC checks
teachings are sons… to pick up guns
and teaching are daughter he aint worth loving without the funds
I live a life where I ain't trying to live by this
So why are y'all not trying listen to it?
I guess if bands won't make her dance
Niggas won't pick up their pants
if the next generation don't get shook
kids will never pick up books
if blacks don't stop wanting to be white and engaging in all their whiteness
they will continue to compare themselves to other blacks just to see who is the lightest
But i am not hating, Its something i don't want to be seen
I been smoking up this blackness guess you can say I'm a feen
You do not have to try to convince me, my heritage told me I was a Queen.
If only you understood
It will kill you if daddy knew his little girl had a reputation
fucking niggas out of frustration
Something about him draws you in
His eyes capture you, and you are still
His smile is dangerous
his cologne is sensual and sweet wrapped around your body
the more you breath in, the more you become addicted while it slowly begins killing you
His accent is love and death, it lures you in and it takes your soul
watch what move you make or you will be locked in his trap
He barely opens his mouth but you do what he askes
he touches you gently but his thoughts are demanding
everything that scares you about him, makes you want him more
he will treat you like a lady while letting you feel just like a whore
Even though you feel like shit you know he's one hell of a man
You don't want to leave, and you don't want to end it
So he has control, whatever he says you will agree upon
and you're too afraid to have a say cause what you want he can't give you
touching him is like driving down a road, hands in the air as it hits our faces
crying because of him is losing hope in life
don't want him to see you as an option
want him to yourself cause your selfish
regretting him is like hating the best time of your life
missing him is being wrapped in your covers, as tears hit the sheets over and over again
listening to Taylor Swifts Red, because he is Burning RED
making love to him is like spending the night in Heaven
She would fall to pieces with out him
cause as much as yu want too, you would really like for him to stay in your life right?
you have been talking for almost a year and he pops up with a wife right?
Don't want to say it but he just ruined your night, right?
cause this man you barely knew, you were still offering up your life right?
East African King, his words sing to her turning her into a nymph
West African Queen, her heart pours open to a closed well
His eyes undress your bridge and lets the water pour out onto him
As he swims inside of your heart, he takes a piece of you, a piece of your baggage, a piece of your skin.
His eyes tell you that he will never leave, pretending to be moving to the next level
but here it is two children of God dancing with the devil
She will give him all of her if he would ask
not sure if he likes her
but sure he's getting married soon
Can't picture another woman touching him
Can't live with the thought of another woman, the woman he wants, making him happy til death do they part.
Can't get over him and the things he does
She stays up at night, just to let him control her thoughts
Won't judge him, will judge herself
everything that makes him perfect, but makes you helpless
his kisses slightly turn force full, when you pull away
He makes you feel great but after a while
he begins to avoid you and you know how it is going to end
She tries to hold on
Scared to see the ending
Don't want a new beginning
moving on from him seems impossible
The clock has ticked
Yet she knows
Its time to let go
If you don't you will never know how it feels to be number one
You have to let go of …*Gods Son*…
I feel in love with his spirit as he made love to my mind
touch so wonderful, sometimes I wish it was mine
from a distance he would be my everything
to caught up on her to see how much love I could bring
Today I missed you
It was hard for me not to want to end this last week! It's even harder this week. I know I was suppose to write you back but I just don't have the time anymore ! I really do not know what to say considering the fact that I know that we have grown so close. It started off as me just kinda missing you then missing you badly then it was too much to handle, I seemed to always be sad even when I was happy. I would think of you and get sad then I was mad, pissed off to be exact and now I'm over it. I'm over it because I am playing a fools game and I am not winning. I feel like we are wasting our time. Please do not read this letter and think that I am a bad person because I am not. I just……. I'm sorry I can't explain myself to you as much as I want to without getting into my "box"(You remember that). So um I have been wanting to know something and i have a question that needs to be answered I don't think I've ever asked you this but do you have kids? I have this feeling that you do and I'd think it would be in your best interest to tell me. Instead of wait like you did with the other secret. Do you have a girl friend, friend thats a girl, baby mama, your boo, your friend with benefits", girl your kinda dating but y'all are not official but y'all still talk (Whatever the title you might give to this person) ? Don't ask me why I am asking you this just answer. I can't do this any longer I mean can you imagine what it has been like for me huh? I'm constantly upset and irritated and its only been 1 month and a few weeks ! I care about you know that but you're stressing me out more. I know I am being selfish! Funny enough I am the happiest person at my job, I meet hundreds of new people a day and I make them laugh and get excited for the day but when it is time for me to come home, I think of you and try to tune you out! I will sing a song or make up stories in my head! I never did that before and I always feel bad because I feel as if I am building an unnecessary wall up against you that you never had to tear down before! I'm upset because you have made yourself mean so much to me and now your taking it all away from me! I thought I wanted someone who I didn't have to see all the time or have sexually relations with but not seeing you is already a lot but not talking to you that is a bit much ! I do appreciate are friendship and hopefully we will still be friends even though we are friends. There are no hard feelings and you know how much I care about you so their is no need to reiterate that.
P.S. Don't think this is because of your "Curse" that derives from the songs you write people. I didn't get infected by it because I am immune to everything lololol. If it makes it better I will write you a poem that alleviate all forms of curses.
Ttyl
Ree
Roses are red
Violets are blue
If I am scared to move on
I'm hoping he is too
Sometimes I wonder if he understand this friendship that we share.
and If he broke our alliance would he even care
If things were to get misconstrued would he even get mad
If he tried to tempt me would we see the red flags
or would his mind only be focused on having a sexual relationship, …that he forgets the most important rule patience
or would his mind be so focused on get money and chasing chickens, that he would eventually miss out on someone who could be his Mrs.
if it was love he's looking for could he find it in jail?
Could he find it in the stereotypical black "College Girl" and all her fails and all her tales
….
Wale said college girls all want thugs
Cause we want what we don't need
And if he knew that would he let the college girl free
Let her make her own moves and let that girl be
His letters keep me open and I read it like a book.
.
The seasons has changed three times since we first met
Caught me off guard when he asked if he got my panties wet.
First time he made think about him and I having sex
Not knowing where he was going caused me to start making changes
If he wanted to keep talking-to me then his words needed to start rearranging
So he's cautious on what to say to me cause he knows I'm easily offended
and when he talks to me I get caught up in our future that I have to stop and take a minute.
I asked him why he was in such a place that was know for condemning prisoners
Where people commit suicide because the severance of their herein, could not have been let go and their is not such thing as a petitioner
Where the walls are close and people yell and the only thing they are….are prisoners
When the lights go out, you hear the softest cry from cell mate but their are no listeners.
Where fathers miss birthdays, holidays and thanksgivings
because the crimes they committed were not omitted and change isn't bound to come.
Were you can't break the locks
and undo the chains
Institutional Slavery flourishes again
This is the same guy, I sit and cry for and ask to be my man.
Who won't tell me why he's in there because he think it isn't important
NO I can't judge him for the things he has done in his past
but Sometimes I get scared and wonder if I should let the past be the past
See I let him fantasize about possibly touching me one day
Touching with his hands his tongue everywhere and any kind of way
See he thinks that I am the good girl
but I could be freakier than him ;)
condemn him for it now and yell at myself later
Mind telling him no but body telling him take her
Take her to jupiter as fast as you can
teach her how to ride it and take the growth of a man
be gentle my friend, cause she is
and don't bite on her neck
you will be pretty amazed at how wet she can get
lines down his back that were directing how deep he could go
lines from my nails for a hell of a show
Ashamed ? I am because thats a fault that has decided to live inside me
I have been a complete bitch to my roommates because I am so stressed out and it's not your fault either I just been working all day all week !
Trying to make it in the world is HARD! You have to make connections with people, you have to try to make yourself marketable even when you don't know how! You have to wipe tears and keep stepping, you can't give up. People will judge you when you dont have time to answer their calls because you're tired, they don't know your struggle. They don't see the rejections. They want to pick the roses without touching the thorns.
Prisoners Girlfriend
The last letter I received from him said I miss you and love you a lot
I stare at your pictures as I lay in this cott
I dream of the days we use to spend together,
Its kinda messed up because I promised you forever
Now I'm sitting in this cell not knowing what to do.
and the only person, i can think about is YOU!
then I complain about how I wish things were better from the start
So we could be happy but I guess we missed that mark
he said If things was better, I would have never got caught
I would have never learned my lesson
I would not have learned fem my mistakes
Its the sentence I was dealt, and the sentence I will take
I would probably be somewhere dead, or living with my hand always on my weapon
Ripping and Running becomes long and every day seems like a blessing
Ain't you tired of me stressing?
Bugging out on you, its levels to this life and I feel like the fool.
Do I apologize for this stuff that I did
Yea but NO because I was trained to be was loyal to it.
I am loyal to the gun and weed and to my people
this shit hard, these niggas is rufless and fucking evil
niggas will switch on you and still call you dey fucking peoples
this jail shit is lethal and it can turn a nigga out…
Niggas killing themselves, just trying to find a way out
But I know I have you and sometimes I wish things would have worked out better then they did
but like I said its a blessing? did you hear me? its a blessing
I'm a nigga in jail but I am free from stressing
I told you it won't be long until I see you again
Its been 5 long years and you still my only friend
My family has dissed me and treated me like hell
Last time I seen my mother was the day I was sentenced to this cell
now the walls have gotten tighter and my bunkmate is going crazy
Its no peace in this place but trust me I still talk to god the devil can not take me.
I Got so much to tell you,
and the white lady comes on the speaker and says "You have 1 minutes left"
Sometimes I hold my breath and think of what will happen next
but I think of the dead bodies thats lining up on the streets
How many people getting killed for shoes on they feet
How many young niggas have lost their souls to the bullets that left deadly holes
and it aint my man shoes thats hanging from the street poles.
It ain't my man running from the cops, sailing drugs and being victimized by random drug stops.
It ain't my main worry about trying to find a job
and when stuff don't work out finding this nigga to rob
It aint my man, going through hell on the streets
Cause these ghettoes, are perpetuating like a CDs on repeat
I hope you know, if you become mixed in that life
You will be victimized by the New Jim Crow.
Don't believe in friends are being anywhere but the block
But the block can't remain loyal, because loyalty isn't a characteristic that is got.
You don't understand him enough to understand his pain
but can sentence him, to life in this everlasting rain
My true equal, my love my friend
Someone who understands the term "together to the end"
A close friend, a father and a son
You just see a black man, so you aim your gun
or you find warrants to perform drug runs
Just because we live in the ghetto, that doesn't make us criminals
Just because he wears a hoodie, doesn't make him a threat
Just because he can't prove his innocence doesn't make him a liar
Just because he blasts his music loud, doesnt mean he a tyrant.
Just because he in jail doesn't make him less human
To me he is brlliant, and then again the white lady picks up
He rushes and says I love you and the phone hangs up.
I am left just thinking of the many possibilities, but none are available when your in those facilities
He is capable of being the president, but you can't tell
cause to you, he just a criminal, a thug nigga locked inside a celll.
He said you the type of girl who can't make any new friends, you must be a introvert. I replied I have had a hundred friends, ten friends, I have had one friend. What I do not care about is making friends that is the least of my concern. I'm looking for networking opportunities and people who want more in life then Jays, weed, fighting, killing, robbing,clothes and money. I did not leave the hood to come be apart of someone elses. He said so basically you want a white nigga. (Tf)
Some People are so small in this world when they can be so great. I want to live great, travel the world, have a great husband and children, my kids in the best private schools in America, I want to have a big family and I want my children to know the value of a dollar,
He loves her when it is convenient and the sad part is that it is always at an inconvenient time for her. She has told herself that she wouldn't be able to be with him but the lies were beginning to take a bigger effect on her than him. She wanted space and he gave it to her, in which his space was now filled with another woman's presence. He is indifferent about the situation and sees it as no harm, but his girlfriend who wanted space knows better. He believes that her jealousy is making the situation bigger than it needs to be but in the back of his mind his new friend is kind
Obligations:
I’m not obligated to love or like anyone. I’m obligated to love and like myself. I’m not obligated to protect anyone. I’m obligated to protect myself. I’m not obligated to give loyalty to anyone, but I’ve vowed to give loyalty to everyone. I’m not obligated to build you up, but I’m obligated to build myself. I’m not obligated to be perfect, but I’m obligated to understand that perfect is a moving target and if I want to keep my sanity don’t go searching for it. I’m not obligated to be friendly, but I love my friends and they friends adore me. I’m not obligated to do anything in this world that doesn’t benefit me, however, I’ve never been the type to not help others.
When a man hurts you.
Stop trying to get revenge.
it's not worth the beef, but that nigga ain't yo friend.
Don't make amends and end things on a good note.
Don't hop your Queening ass on that jealousy boat.
So you can sail away into the land of petty and post shit that he won't ever read.
So him and his broke ass friends can laugh at yo insecurities.
Queen.
Stop it.
We get it, niggas be out of pocket.
And they pockets be out of cash.
Why you crying tears over his broke ass?
Yo pride maybe stained but your drive never was.
So put your foot on the gas,
Come be my partner in crime
Tell me you ain't wasting my time
tell me to bust it wide open,
You mean my mind, not what in between my thighs.
I don’t want to have to bend, snap, crack or break to be cherished.
I don’t want to hurt, deceive, ruin to be successful
I don’t want to to bend, snap, crack or break to be cherished.
I don’t want to hurt, deceive, or ruin to be successful.
I don’t want to pretend, cap or fake it to I make it to impress people.
I don’t want to be a size 2, fix my gap or beat my face to feel beautiful.
I don’t want to suffer just to feel comfortable in a relationship.
I don’t want steal and rob, just to be fly.
I don’t want to cap with a Benz, and be living a live.
I don’t want to be a businesswoman and not have a business. Stunting on the gram living a life I’m not living.
I don’t want to scam people, and get rich off their cash.
I don’t want to speak hate, to make others feel bad.
I don’t want to be unapologetic if what I say will hurt you. But I will be unapologetic if the truth will serve you.
I don’t want to be around people who disrespect or hate the LGBTQ.
Cause there’s some things I’ll start questioning about you, if you do.👀
I don’t want a million friends who support me cause we cool.
Tell me if it sucks, and I’ll do the same for you.
I don’t want to be infatuated with social media posting everyday.
Lying by my captions or things I do in a day.
I don’t care about the likes or the cap the comes with.
I especially don’t like the users and the relationships that come with.
I don’t post everyday, but my back log is filled.
I don’t owe anyone anything. Y’all folks gotta chill.
I don’t like to fake happy, cause that shit is insane.
I’m not here for people that’s doing the same.
I don’t know how people dislike people of color, cause black folks is it.
And I don’t care how y’all feel, I’ll still call you “sis”.
Don’t play with my family or friends blood or not.
Just be bout that action when stuff bout to pop.
I’ll help them collect you by your edges and pay when it’s due.
I don’t want any violence, but for them I DO!
I’m from Kansas City and I live in the A.
I mind my own business and stay tf out the way.
I love fat girls and people that choose to be free.
I love rollers skating, just wish I had the knees 😩.
I love my hair, even when it’s in a wrap.
That 4C comb out be hurting my back.
I love God and I’ll follow the path.
I wish for nothing but my parents to come back.
Turbulence on flight 2526